The perfect first message – How to get started with online dating

First impressions count – especially when it comes to online dating. A good first message can make the difference between an exciting conversation and being ignored. But how do you write something that will spark interest?

Here you can find out how to make contact in an original, friendly and honest way – without clichés or empty phrases.

1. What you should avoid

Before we get to the perfect message, here are a few typical mistakes you should definitely avoid:

Just writing ‘Hey’ or ‘What's up?’ – comes across as unimaginative.

Compliments without context (‘You're pretty.’) – too general.

Copy-paste texts – you can tell immediately.

Too many emojis or exaggerated spelling.

Note: The first message should be individual, clear and polite – not pushy or exaggerated.

2. What makes a good first message

A successful message consists of three components:

1. Personal reference:

Refer to something from your counterpart's profile – a hobby, a travel destination, a book title or a quote.

2. Genuine interest:

Ask an open question that shows you want to learn more about the person.

3. Friendly tone:

Be relaxed, respectful and don't put any pressure on them – this will encourage them to engage in conversation.

3. Example of a successful first message

‘Hey Lisa! You wrote that you like hiking in the mountains – do you have a favourite place? I was at Königssee last year and thought it was fantastic. I look forward to hearing from you.’

Why does this work?

Personal reference to the profile

Friendly tone

Open question with personal input

4. Other introductory questions that spark curiosity

‘You like indie rock – what's your favourite song at the moment?’

‘Your dog in the photo is cute – what's his name?’

‘You like to travel – which country surprised you the most?’

‘What do you like to do most on a Sunday?’

Questions like these help to establish a genuine connection, rather than superficial platitudes.

5. When and how to reply?

Response time: Don't wait days to respond – that shows disinterest.

Message with content: The response should also be personal, not just a simple ‘thank you.’

Humour & lightness: Little puns or smiles can work wonders – but stay authentic.

Conclusion: Being authentic is key

The perfect first message doesn't have to be long or particularly creative – it has to be honest, attentive and individual. This shows that you really see the other person.

Ready to write your perfect first message? Start your adventure now: